Blog

  • el guapo

    fake french

    ‘Brilliant artsy post-post-punk. Along with bands like Q and not U, El Guapo is the sign of Dischord’s new wave of releases. This album shows a marked improvement from “The Burden of History,” their first EP release from 1997. It’s tight, intricate, and intriguing. Justin Moyer’s unique voice gives it a Pixies-on-crack feel. Sometimes it’s a bit over your head, but most of the time it hits its mark. High points: Three vocalists, often singing in a choral fashion. Low points: Couldn’t find a way to work “Are Gringos falling from the sky?” quote into the review.

  • rocky votolato

    suicide medicine

    ‘”‘I love you’ spills like vomit from her lips,” sings Rocky Votolato on the cut “Secrets of a Salesman,” like a man possessed, the same intently passionate way that he works through the twelve tracks on “Suicide Medicine,” his second full-length solo recording for Second Nature records.

    Votolato, who moonlights in the singer/songwriter genre, was originally known for his Seattle-based punk rock band Waxwing. On his own, he has accomplished the feat of having his solo project and band equally known and respected. The trick is his voice. It is raspy, like Ben Nichols of Lucero, but it has more dynamic range. At soft and low points, Votolato sounds like Dashboard Confessional’s Chris Carrabba. At high and screechy points, he is more reminiscent of Piebald’s Travis Shettel. His voice hooks you.

    The content careening effortlessly from his lips reels you in. Votolato’s prose is chaotic and poignant; a whirlwind behind the clear skies and light breezy nature of his instrumentalism. He can tell a story like no other and, between the serene sounds of the instruments and his enchanting voice, paying attention is an effortless task. His images are pristine and the plot lines of his tales are fluid.

    Yes, he may be a singer/songwriter on the side but he is not lost among the crop. He deserves to be ranked with the elite in our generation of songwriters.

  • Watch Me Eat A Hot Dog

    http://www.watchmeeatahodog.com

    “Sometimes an idea so ludicrous, so ridiculous occurs that you’re confounded by the premise that a rational human being could conjure up something so absurd. It’s happened, whether to someone you know, or to yourself. Like that time you decided to taste your deodorant, or the time you were 12 and thought you could fly off of the roof of your parents’ house. A trip to the emergency room and two broken limbs certainly proved that thought to be wrong.

    Or, maybe you are the person who decided to create a Web site dedicated to hot dogs. No, let’s clarify. Not just hot dogs, but pictures of people eating hot dogs. Oooooh, then you created a members section and charged people $10 to view the photos.

    Oral fixation, anyone? How about a bit homoerotic (not that there’s anything wrong with that)?

    Maybe it’s a joke. To be honest, we had no intention of spending $10 to find out. After all, we’re a small, independent newspaper and not some big-business, idea-stealing group of bastards… um, folks. Yeah, folks.

    Admittedly, there is a slightly interesting subsection to this site. The WatchMeEatAHotDog.com people have begun a condiment exchange program. You send them condiments and they send you other condiments, spreading the spreads across various parts of the country. OK, the idea of getting condiments from Wichita or Washington may not be very appealing, but the idea of using the Internet as a medium to exchange unusual products is clever.

    One can only assume that mayonnaise does not travel very well via snail mail.

    The free preview of what the members’ section offers is setup to emulate (what can only be assumed to be) a porn page. It offers photos of celebrities eating hot dogs, voyeurism, oral action and, of course, doggy style.

    How can these enticing offers be passed up at the paltry fee of $10? Well, it’s because 1. We’re talking about hot dogs and 2. Are you a freaking moron?”

  • A Word Too Taboo

    A history of the emo generation

    ‘To borrow the words of Groucho Marx, “I would not want to belong to any club that would have me as a member.” This is a typical sentiment expressed by people in a select subset of the current generation. Everyone is so hush, hush about it.

    It’s not that people are trying to hide some deep dark secret. It’s just that the word they are shunning is anything but descriptive.

    You know the word and you know what it’s short for. It’s “emo,” no giant leap from “emotional,” a term originally created to describe a certain contingent of musicians that existed from the late ’80s to the mid-’90s, but that has come to describe the zeitgeist of twenty-somethings whose self-search of meaning and emotional resonance shows up almost everywhere in the culture.

    The problem is, to call something emotional is about as generic a term as can be. We are emotional by nature. It’s like calling a genre of songs “human music.” Both terms are derivative and veritably nonsensical.

    “To say our generation is more emotive than a previous generation is preposterous,” said Kyle Fischer, guitarist/singer of Rainer Maria. “We’re wired to feel as much as we do. It’s natural.”

    Emo is in the eye of the beholder. Some people who have had different experiences give different meanings to the word. Some believe it has no set definition. Still others feel like it has a very set definition. With so many conflicting opinions, it becomes up to subjective interpretation.

    “Emo is a very specific thing,” said David Lewis, who works for Hopper PR, the in-house publicists for the Jade Tree label – the quintessential emo label. “Everyone who understands emo will tell you the same history of it. If you were whiny, you were too emo for your own good. Now, fifteen years after it began, it’s becoming a Time Magazine trend piece. It’s the grunge of the new millennium.”

    Lewis, a one-time club booker from the east coast, takes a traditional perspective. He was there when it started and watched it change.

    In his eyes, it is dying.

    Sean Jenkins, creator of “The Fall” – an art magazine – takes a different perspective on emo.

    “Emo has just evolved with time,” said Jenkins. “Without change, it would have died. It is definitely not the same thing it used to be, but that’s what keeps it going. While it went through one of its metamorphoses, it became really popular. Younger kids are just clinging onto it more because they are more open about their feelings and that’s what separates emo from punk. Punk deals with feelings in a harder way, while emo is softer.”

    Out of the eight people interviewed for this article, each person had a different definition that ran the gamut, further making the taboo term a matter of subjectivity.

    One thing that can be said about emo is that it has taken on a life of its own and is becoming a buzzword on the lips of more and more people. To those who grew up with it, it is considered dead. To those who learned about it recently, it continues to garner fans and mainstream recognition. It is reaching its heyday.

    No matter which side of the debate you are on, this is a topic that needs to be discussed and a record that needs to be set straight.

    A Brief and Incomplete Synopsis of Emo Music and its Role Models

    Believing that Rites of Spring was the first emo band is like believing that Adam and Eve were the first human beings. It depends on how much faith you have on a topic not documented until long after it began.

    It can easily be argued, though, that they were the first band to be recognized by the label. Rites of Spring existed as a band for less than two years before front man Guy Picciotto and drummer Brendan Canty left to form Fugazi.

    The band was characterized by lyrics like the outpouring in the song “Spring” of “Caught in time so far away from where our hearts really wanted to be…”

    To a fan of Chris Carraba’s band Dashboard Confessional, this may not seem like much. In 1986 this was huge. Straight from the heart of the D.C. punk scene, a reactionary movement was born.

    In its purest form, emo was an attempt to give a peaceful balance to the chaos of the hardcore scene.

    “These bands, like Rites of Spring and Gray Matter, came out of the hardcore scene as a reaction to the high level of testosterone,” said Andrew Beaujon, Senior Contributing Writer for Spin Magazine. “It told people to step back and see who they were affecting, but also, it was intensely personal.”

    It was adding heart and brains to the brawn of hardcore in an attempt to give it life. An unstoppable monster was created. To dissect and analyze that entire monster is impossible, though. This is merely an attempt to look at how some of its major organs functioned.

    After Picciotto and Canty formed Fugazi, their slate was wiped clean and the moniker was no longer associated with their current project. A new face was destined to forever be the poster child of emo. Jeremy Enigk typified what was to become of the genre before the media caught wind of it.

    Enigk, a dark, intellectual and imposing figure, was the voice of Sunny Day Real Estate and the voice for a generation of sensitive outcast teenagers. If Picciotto is the Adam of emo’s creation, Enigk is the Abraham, bearing countless offspring.

    His words, his charm and his poignant falsetto spoke directly to and from the hearts of those that listened, and his band acted as the conduit to them. As Andy Schneidkraut, owner of Boulder’s Albums on the Hill, pointed out in a previous interview, “No one is more emo than Sunny Day Real Estate.”

    While the music that Sunny Day Real Estate played was characterized by start/stop rhythms, odd time signatures and light and airy vocals, not everyone was buying it. There were still people from the hardcore scene who appreciated the intelligence behind the music but wanted something a little closer to punk.

    Those fans took refuge in Jawbreaker, Cap’n Jazz, Texas is the Reason, Quicksand and Christie Front Drive.

    Jawbreaker was the victorious underdog of emotional punk in the California, Cap’n Jazz in Illinois, Texas is the Reason and Quicksand in New York and Christie Front Drive, right here in Colorado.

    The most influential of these bands have been Jawbreaker and Cap’n Jazz. Jawbreaker’s songs hit close to home with many kids not because of the edgy punk melodies but, rather, because of the lyrics. Inspired by writer Jack Kerouac and the Beat Generation, Jawbreaker’s Blake Schwarzenbach made the roughest of breakups and the ugliest of relationships sound romantic in his songs. Any boy could take solace in knowing that he was not the only person whose heart has been so devastatingly shattered.

    Cap’n Jazz, the most underrated of seminal emo bands, put a greater focus on their raw and artsy sound. Consisting, in part, of brothers Tim and Mike Kinsella, the band wrote the book on art noise and math rock. Their effortless combinations of unheard of progressions, unending tonic note screams and time signatures so complicated that they required a calculator to figure out inspired an entire scene to pop up from the suburbs of Chicago.

    “What I always hoped was emo was a communally developed harmonic sensibility and unique expression that the bands from the suburbs of Chicago, like Braid, Cap’n Jazz and Rainer Maria, shared with each other,” said Kyle Fischer.

    Bands like Braid and Cap’n Jazz fed off of each other and their music evolved by a game of one-upmanship. If you listen to old Braid and Cap’n Jazz records, you will find numerous similarities in their songs, including shared lyrics and progressions.

    Other bands, including Texas’ Mineral, The Getup Kids, Rainer Maria and ex-Cap’n Jazz member’s Promise Ring were soon to follow.

    Mineral, staple band of Crank! Records, picked up exactly where the short lived Sunny Day Real Estate left off. By their second album, “EndSerenading,” which was released shortly before the band’s breakup in 1998, showed singer-guitarist Chris Simpson with a finely honed whine over mellow arpeggiated, intricately intertwined progressions.

    The Getup Kids, working closer to the songs-about-girls formula were an instant success and helped to bring a mainstream appeal to their underground sound.

    Rainer Maria, another Chicago band, derived its formula from the guitar riffs of the Kinsellas and added the twist of a female vocalist to it. The band, along with other female fronted bands at the time, such as Tsunami and Jenhitt helped open the doors for women to feel comfortable in the scene. Rainer Maria also experienced an interesting phenomenon with their earlier fans.

    “We used to call the music we made ‘Couples Rock,’” explained Fischer. “In the band’s beginning years, we (Fischer and bassist/vocalist Kaithlin de Marrais) were a couple writing songs and playing it to couples who would claim to have gotten together or broken up to our records.”

    Soon, The Anniversary, Mates of State, and other female voices could be heard from the scene. By this time, though, the focus of emo was switching away from them. The word was taking on a new meaning.

    “The Promise Ring was way ahead of their time for how mainstream rock they sounded,” began Beaujon. “I don’t think they were taken seriously even though they sold a bazillion records.”

    Davey von Bohen, front man of the Promise Ring, was taking his lispy voice and pop punk formula in a new direction. The band departed directly from their indie rock freshman release of “30 Degrees Everywhere” to the heavy pop formula of “Nothing Feels Good” and continued shedding layers through their final release of “Wood/Water” without ever losing the emo label.

    Soon, the MTV crowd was listening and the MTV2 crowd was claiming that they’ve been there and done that. Saves the Day, Newfound Glory, At the Drive-In, and International Noise Conspiracy were all getting radio and video play. The underground broke above the surface and maintaining coherence within the indie genres became a free for all.

    “Emo continues to become very popular and is heading towards mainstream,” said Beaujon. “So people who grew up in the scene will tell you it is dying or dead but if you ask pop culture, it’s very much alive.”

    To most people, the scene is thriving now more than ever. Labels have realized the mass appeal of the music and have turned tears into dollar signs. Everyone from pre-pubescent teens to MTV to the New York Times has picked up on the trend.

    “What you’re seeing now is the beginning of the co-modifications of sincerity,” said Fischer. “Everyone in the mainstream is looking for the real thing while everything is as deep as a piece of paper. Meanwhile, these scenes that have grown up underground are coming to fruition and people are starting to notice. There is top-down organizing around emo.”

    Lewis took a much different approach to the popularization of emo. From his perspective, it is not the true emo bands that are making money. It is bands who wear its cloak.

    “The bands making money as being emo are bands like Newfound Glory and Finch, pop bands that are being marketed from a slightly different angle than Creed,” said Lewis. “Whereas Creed is for your pseudo-hot step mom, Newfound Glory is for her teenage daughter.”

    As a style of music, emo is rap’s marketable counterpart. Record labels have been consistently losing money on non-emo rock albums. So, what emo wants, emo gets…for the moment, anyway.

    This history of emo is admittedly incomplete. It doesn’t even touch on the Gainesville/No Idea scene, let alone screamo and numerous other subsets of the genre. For a good primer on emo, purchase the Deep Elm series of compilations titled “The Emo Diaries.”

    The Fashio

    Ani DiFranco once sang “Art may imitate life but life imitates TV.” As pessimistic as it may sound, the statement has some validity to it. After the debut of NBC’s “Friends,” there was a public frenzy amongst women racing to look like Jennifer Aniston. Soon, the bodies of many 12-year-old girls and 40-year-old women became indistinguishable.

    The trend to recreate posh popular culture came to maturation in younger age groups as well. Over the past five years, two noticeable archetypes for teenagers girls have been Rachel Leigh Cook’s character in “Josie and the Pussy Cats” and Avril Lavigne. With the media spotlight on these two women, punk was more than in. It took center stage. T-shirts and ties, studded black leather chokers, belts and wristbands, and hip-hugging jeans became the popular thing to do.

    Aside from the distinct, but short-lived, stint of tie wearing, the fashion of emo is sexless.

    “Androgyny is pretty fucking cool,” said John Doe, front man of the punk band X. “Being neutral gendered is very sexy.”

    Standing in the middle of the sexuality teeter-totter can have an elusive allure to it. Since it presents the factor of being unknown, the surface shows an inveigling mystery that makes you want to find out what lies beneath.

    The general rule of thumb that Aldroid.com uses in their guide to emo fashion is “If it didn’t come from a thrift store, it probably ain’t emo.” We’d like to add an addendum to that statement. If it doesn’t look like it came from a thrift store, it probably ain’t emo.

    The blend-into-the-background emo fashion has been stocking the unisex shelves of teen marketed stores such as Urban Outfitters for years now. Thanks to mom and dad’s credit card, anyone can look like they just walked out of a thrift store with a new outfit for about $200 to $300. Of course, you can just go to a thrift store and spend $20 on an entire wardrobe of the same Urban Outfitters quality, but it’s probably harder to find a Starbucks by a thrift store, and that’s just not kosher.

    Of course, there is no reason to just be generic and say “thrift store” when we can create our very own stereotypes off of which to play. No emo kid should be without his or her own stereotype. We’re going to offer five to choose from. The best thing is that you can mix and match. You can pick a different clich/ for every weekday. So, here goes nothing.

    Outside of these overly simplified derivations, there are some staples of emo that cut clear across the genre as a material style. Large gauge lobe plugs, studded accessories, band pins, band t-shirts, fuzzy beards and died black mop top hair all fit nicely into the fashion.

    “It was tight t-shirts, jeans that stop at the ankles and black shoes,” said Fischer. “That look seems to be getting reprised still but there is a lot more going on. You’ve got your people with your trucker hats and the people with the star tattoos on your hand. Those tattoos are the sign that you’re in the UFO emo cult.”

    Tamara Black, vocalist of the now defunct D.C. band Jenhitt put it all in good perspective.

    “In general, music is usually conceived of as a component of culture but (sub)cultures arise around musical genres,” said Black. “I can imagine a band that plays emo music but doesn’t bother embracing a visual asthetic or some set of behaviors that could be labeled as distinctively emo. In fairness to the people who make that scene, I’d say that the music itself takes primacy over other elements of fashion, style, etc.”

    The bands do and the fans follow.

    Needless to say, the emo style goes far beyond the limits of these reductionist descriptions. For further information, visit the following websites: http://dobi.nu/emo/girls.htm

    http://aldroid.com/emo/

    Sexism and Sexuality

    “Girls in emo songs today do not have names,” said Jessica Hopper, founder of Hopper PR, in a recent article she wrote for Punk Planet magazine. “We are not identified… We span from coquettish to damned and back again. We leave bruises on boy-hearts, but make no other mark. Our existences, our actions are portrayed SOLELY through the detailing of neurotic self-entanglements of the boy singer – our region of personal power, simply, is our breadth of impact on his romantic life.”

    Hopper’s statement is vehemently charged with rife sentiments of a woman scorned by the music she has long considered herself to be a part of. It may be emotionally based, but nevertheless, it is valid.

    On stage, the emo scene is overrun by males. Within the past five years, emo songs have been noted by their derogatory portrayals of women. If there is one definition of the music that people will not deny, it is that emo songs are tales by boys about girls who broke their hearts. The point that Hopper attempts to make in the article is accurate. It is all the same girl, and she is a huge bitch.

    “Emo’s characteristic sensitive front is limited to self-sensitivity, it runs in a fanciful maze of reflexive self pity, rife with a vulnerability that is infinitely self-serving,” said Hopper. “It is a high stakes game of control – of ‘winning’ or ‘losing’ possession of the. Yet, in the vulnerability there is no empathy, no peerage or parallelism. Emo’s yearning is not to identify with, or understand, but rather to enforce sexual hierarchy and omit women’s power via romanticide.”

    Unfortunately, the criticism should not be limited to emo. Women rarely get their say in music. There is little difference between emo and most rock music. Most of the songs seem to be about girls who walk all over boys. They always have been.

    Women rarely even get their say in rap, a genre where they are more equally represented. Take Missy Elliott for example. She is portrayed as some sort of freakish robot or a machine in her videos, but rarely to never as a woman.

    Emo does have one redeeming quality that saves it from being entirely sexist, though. Offstage, the crowd is dominated by more women now than it ever has been.

    “Emo shows have a lot more women than any other shows I go to see,” said Beaujon. “That’s one of the positive things about the genre. It is a scene where young women feel safe going out to shows.”

    When the genre is considered from a social perspective, the scene is as accepting and open as any other. Although many bands fit the women-bashing mold, others do make a conscious effort to be more conscious of their fans reactions. That is one of the most important things bands like Rainer Maria could do.

    “A song written in the first person need not be gender specific and we make a conscious effort to make sure nothing refers to a specific gender,” said Fischer. “So, when women or men sing the song along in the audience, the gender of the singer is a moog point. People relate in their own level and put themselves in the place of the singer.”

    Many fans do this, and Andy Greenwald documented this reaction in detail in his upcoming book titled “Nothing Feels Good: punk rock, the Internet, and the Emo Generation.” The songs, to many listeners, get translated into personal experience, where they can fully resonate.

    The most recent Rainer Maria record, “Long Knives Drawn” may present the most progressive female perspectives as of yet. Singer/bassist Caithlin de Marrais takes on the dissonant and aggressive tones to her vocal stylings. She takes the typical emo sad boy story and flips it around to have it viewed from her perspective. She clearly has her own voice in this record.

    Men, on the other hand, do not seem to be speaking up for women in the genre. They do, however, speak up for other men at points.

    Emo may be the most welcoming scene for homosexuals to feel comfortable.

    Many of the bands in the scene wrote very homoerotic lines in their songs, ranging from Cap’n Jazz’s line, “Boys kissing boys,” to the Promise Ring’s “Best looking boys go all the way, home is where they stay.” Homosexuality was more of an open forum within the genre.

    Those who did not flaunt their sexuality hid it for everyone to feel included. Members of bands ranging from At the Drive-In, Murder City Devils, Boy Sets Fire, Propagandhi (although Propagandhi claims to be as far from emo as possible), and numerous others have either homosexual undertones in some of their songs or they display a sexless guise.

    The scene may be far from being equally diverse and represented on record but, in the crowd, everyone is included.

    Nevertheless, the fact of the matter is that the songs stand as verbal assaults and, like any kind of attack, are bound to inflict pain.

    “Writing can be a really aggressive act,” said Beaujon. “You can’t respond to it. The person on the other side of that accusation never has the opportunity to say something back. That being said, though, is it anymore sexist than our inherently sexist world.”

    To read Jessica Hopper’s article in Punk Planet, go to http://www.punkplanet.com/archives/00000004.html.

    The Internet

    The current generation of teenagers and college-age students owes a good deal to the Internet. In addition to keeping us wired to the most current information and providing the accessibility to download virtually any game, song or program, the Internet is also providing kids with an outlet for their emotions.

    “The Internet has allowed every kid in every town to get wired into the subculture,” said Greenwald. “That has led to a mass individualism. If you go onto sites like makeoutclub.com, you will see kids from the smallest towns in the U.S. and Canada who all wear the same black glasses and have the same arty quotes and have read the same books on photography.”

    Sites like Diaryland.com, Blog.com, and Makeoutclub.com provide free services that range from journaling, chat rooms, and profile posting. These organizations allow people to post their feelings, describe themselves, and meet other people. As Greenwald points out in his upcoming book, you can find solace on the Internet. No matter how much of an outsider you are in real life, you can connect to people who are just like you online. It erases the limits of physical distance and allows the writer to truly feel like he/she is a part of a community – or at least, the facsimile of a community.

    “What’s really interesting to me is that teenagers are writing these diaries online with lyrics that are just like the songs that they listen to,” said Greenwald. “People read your thoughts and your emotions and you become fans of your peers instead of some rock musician. That’s as close or as laudable of an emo moment as you can come and the best thing about it is that it updates instantaneously.”

    The kids who have tapped into this subculture are reaping the emotional benefits of it. It is true that they might not leave the house or interact with their immediate surroundings as often, but they are a part of something much different than the traditional model of youth.

    In a virtual space, a safe haven can be created for people to express their feelings. Different sites are designed to attract different types of people and it is much easier to make friends and share your deepest, darkest secrets with someone clear across the globe via the Internet than it is to do while you are playing football in the local park.

    The emphasis is no longer as strong on sports and riding bikes as it once was. Now, the general concern is ‘how do you feel today?’

    “Kids are a lot more in touch with feelings and emotions than people of older generations are,” said Beaujon. “When I’ve interviewed kids in line to see a show, they’ve started telling me all this stuff about their personal lives, like how a band helped them get through their breakup. It’s stuff you normally don’t tell strangers, but I don’t think it’s bad at all.”

    It may take a bit longer to break through and kids may not be as social anymore but when they do talk, they are comfortable with talking about how they feel.

    Greenwald’s book will be released in November, 2003 by St. Martin’s Press.

    Lifespan and Mainstream Appeal

    “By the time something reaches its critical mass, which is an important thing to happen, it has become a last ditch attempt to understand a cultural movement,” said Lewis.

    Emo is just that, a reactionary cultural movement. Although some may deny or not see its social significance, it is much more than a style of music. We are the emo generation. We are not just the music fans that loved Weezer’s “Pinkerton” but had our hearts broken when Rivers Cuomo turned his back on us. We are people more in tune with our emotions, but who are not any more emotional than previous generation. We just focus on feelings more.

    It’s just difficult to determine if the scene is dead, dying, or thriving.

    “It’s dead in the way that ‘alternative’ or ‘indie’ are dead, which is to say, overuse, misuse, and loose-use of the term has rendered it unrecognizably transformed at best and meaningless at worst,” said Black. “It’s alive in the sense that people continue to listen to and write music inspired by bands that have historically been widely considered part of that genre.”

    Beaujon points out that both the music and the scene are extremely important to the kids who otherwise would not have a place without it. As the kids and the bands grow up, both will grow up and part ways.

    The problem is that people in their mid-20s and up helped to birth the scene and watched the bristling movements take shape and coagulate. To this group of people, it is more than a word to be shunned or genre to openly deny being a part of. It is like a child. As a new crowd takes ownership over the scene, they are finding it hard to let go. It is easier to proclaim the scene’s death than to relinquish ownership of it.

    “Those of us in our post-collegiate years have a sense of proprietary rites to the scene,” said Fischer. “It gets passed along, though. There are new bands and new kids listening to the bands. For those kids in the scene, it is very much alive.”

    It is alive but in a completely different form. The media pushes the genre on the kids, taking the indie out of emo, and the kids willingly accept. Doing so does not inherently destroy the music. It just makes it more accessible to people.

    People interviewed for this article that were not directly tied to the scene all asked the question, “Why is it that as soon as I discover a band I really like, I found out the band broke up a year earlier?”

    Emo and indie bands have relatively short life spans – like emotions themselves. That was the mystique of the scene. You rushed to find a band before all of your friends did. It was comparable to uncovering a hidden treasure and you could claim you knew the band first.

    With the instantaneous gratification of the Internet and TV, it becomes much simpler to have someone else do the work for you. Now, you can find all the same bands and not have to worry if they already broke up or not.

    What isn’t emo

    It is not difficult to find a variety of rubrics to determine what is and isn’t emo, especially if you search the Internet. The infamous original Emogame even provides you with a quiz that asks questions from how much you weigh and if you can fill in the blanks from staple emo songs. If you go to http://www.brownbagmag.com/emoornot you can even submit a picture for other people to vote on whether or not you are emo.

    “That which has been traditionally classified as emo no longer serves as a working definition,” said Lewis. “It has always been amorphous but it all seems built on fashion nowadays. You wonder if Carraba gets pigeonholed as emo just because he has tattoos.”

    Tattoos, thick-rimmed plastic glasses, studded belts; there are many aesthetic markers. From a traditional perspective, it’s more of a question of the heart-tugging lyrics, the ones that well the tears in your eyes. If you can recognize any of the following lines, it may be a better clue that you are emo than the clothes you wear:

    “I’m afraid of everything.”

    “And if I started crying would you start crying?”

    “Although you hit me hard I come back.”

    “‘Too proud to hope, too weak to climb.’”

    “We’re too smart to watch TV. We’re too dumb to make believe this is all we want from life.”

    “I’ll cry until I can’t see the whites of your eyes for two more years.”

    “They say what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. Well maybe some of us are just too sick and tired of being so damned strong.”

    o

    “I’m dying to tell you I’m dying.”

    Comparatively, though, it is infinitely easier to find information on the Internet that attempts to prove what isn’t emo. Everyone wants to assert their un-emo-ness, an interesting facet of the subculture.

    “We’re all so afraid of being ghettoized by this term,” said Fischer. “If they came up with a cooler name, none of us would care. Emo means Emo Phillips to me.”

  • Terry Tate, Office Linebacker

    http://terrytate.reebok.com

    ‘Under most circumstances, a commercial Web site would never be promoted in the WOW column – especially not a sneaker company. Every J. Crew-wearing Boulderite knows that sneaker companies are big sweatshop offenders.

    Well, who would’ve thought the slave-labor-enforcing bastards at Reebok had a sense of humor? Certainly not us Birkenstock- or New Balance-clad folks on the Front Range.

    A while ago (a while meaning we have no idea of even a general timeframe) Reebok released its Terrible Terry Tate campaign. Tate plays the crucial role of Office Linebacker as a part of Team Felcher. In this position, his duties include tackling and hollering, but mainly his job is to streamline office procedures and increase productivity.

    Throughout his daily routine, the site’s film shorts show Tate in his natural habitat, as a dedicated worker who accepts nothing but the best. The only game he has been caught playing is the “Let’s See How Much Pain G Can Take Until G Learns Not To Play Games Anymore Because When It’s Game Time, It’s Pain Time” game.

    Facts about Tate include that he hates taking vacations, he fits right into the chemistry of the office environment, he is never bested by the competition and he has come to be known as the “pain train.” His philosophies are simple: First of all, “You kill the joe, you make some mo’,” “You put a cover on your TPS Reports,” (sound familiar?) and “You can’t just talk about it. You gotta be about it. Because, when it’s go time, it’s showtime.”

    That ain’t nothin’ new, baby… not to Triple T, anyway.

    The Office Linebacker has yet to catch on in many professional organizations but the concept is still young. The position is a logical addition to any team. Having such a motivated, hard-hitting co-worker can only make the days go faster and can ensure that the job gets done right on the first time.

    So, if your office is not fortunate enough to have its own Terry Tate, you should see what you are missing out on. The Pain Train is the express route to productivity.

  • The Common Denominators

    Straight outta Finland

    ‘Klaus is a man so wildly popular he needs no last name. All you need to know is that he’s from the Common Denominators, the band you may be listening to right now.

    The band he fronts began as all good bands do. They went to school together and hung out. Then, eleven years ago, the musical anomalies known as the Common Denominators formed. Hailing from Lower Finland, in a small and unmapped town called Same-cke-, it all changed the night Klaus went to go see the infamous band Sword Master. He knew then that his destiny was to front a Finnish death metal band.rn”I

    Finland, death metal is bigger than bubble-gum pop,” said Klaus. “When there’s no sun, there’s no time for Britney.”

    Needless to say, they are big hits in their homeland. In a town where it is impossible to get a pizza delivered or to find a good taco, everyone came out to see the Common Denominators. Similarly, the band is taking the States by storm – with only four songs. The problem is, Scandinavia Vagrant doesn’t have much of an office. Their business is still in the formation stages.

    The only voice the Denominators have been given for their music is the occasional appearance on a Reggie and the Full Effect album. Only half of their catalogue has been put out on these records, but those two songs are so good they should count as ten.

    “Dwarf Invasion”? “Linkin Verbz”? It may never get any better than that, although, their new, unreleased songs do sound promising. One of the new tunes is about goats taking over the world. Or, that’s what it seemed to be about from the description Klaus gave.

    When the band builds up enough of a repertoire, they may release their own album, but there are currently no plans in the works. For now, they will continue to pop up on various Reggie records.

    “Since we’re releasing stuff on Vagrant, we are the pussies of the death metal scene,” he said. “We’re putting out stuff on the same label as Dashboard Confessional. We’re like, yeah, and they’re like, no.”

    He does love the Full Effect and enjoys touring with them. He also admits being a Getup Kids fan but only because he has to be.

    “Originally, we were going to call the band Prime Number, but that’s not very metal, is it?” questioned Klaus. “A common denominator is the root of every problem in mathematics. If you were into science fiction like all of us here in Same-cke-, you’d know that mathematics is the only universal language. So, to get down to the most simple, basic thing everyone can understand you need to get down to the common denominator.”

    Although often mythical, Klaus’ history is run-of-the-mill. He grew up just like everyone else. In his teen years, he was forced with the choice of university or trade school. Claiming that universities are for shitheads, he chose trade school. He wanted to work with his hands and drill things.

    “The pen is mightier than the sword? That’s bullshit,” he said. “People have been fighting with swords for centuries. I’ve never seen anyone fight with a pen.”

    Naturally, he ventured on to trade school, where he made swords and “stuff from skulls.” Where he got the skulls and what he made from them, I dared not ask.

    That school is where the band members met and went on to write their four epic songs, which were destined to permanently change the course of music.

    So, after becoming friends with Reggie, the Denominators latched on to him and they appear, in part, as a supporting act to Full Effect concerts. They are known to be elusive. With any luck, they will appear on the Vagrant America tour. Just in case, Klaus left this advice to the kids as parting words:

    “Somebody find Chef Boyardee and fire him. That’s not pasta. Even in Finland, we can make better Italian food. My ass can make better pasta than that.”

  • reggie and the full effect

    under the tray…

    ‘Chances are, if your only Reggie experience has been on record, you may have asked yourself ?Who is Reggie? and what is ?The Full Effect???

    Good question. It?s made to be an elusive mystery.

    If you search the band?s website for information, it will tell you that Reggie is middle aged convict who recently befriended someone named Paco in the Canadian prison which he both resides and records. Then there?s something about tacos. Reggie definitely likes tacos and beer. He likes tacos and beer.

    Maybe you?re a bit too skeptical, though. Maybe the voice sounds very familiar, not like that of a middle aged rocker. Maybe the songwriting sounds really familiar too. Isn?t it odd that, not only is Reggie on Vagrant Records, but the band has this inseparable bond to The Getup Kids?

    Well, for those not in the ?know,? Reggie is none-other than James Dewees, drummer from Coalesce and keyboardist for The Getup Kids, alter ego. It?s all a faxefxbfxbdade, like the missing CD which is hidden CD ?under the tray.?

    Even if you are familiar with Reggie, the recordings, and his Reggie?s, or James?, relationship to The Getup Kids and Coalesce, you may still ask yourself, ?What the hell is Reggie and the Full Effect??

    Needless to say, it is a project created with no intended audience in mind. The songs range from hardcore and thrash metal, closer to Dewees? Coalesce experiences, to poppy-punk tunes, as with The Getup Kids style. As with previous Reggie?s two previous albums, ?Greatest Hits 1984-1987? and ?Promotional Copy,? this record contains its humorous bits, including sound bites from drunken folks at The Getup Kids shows to another appearance of fake Finnish metal-heads Common Denominator. Although it?s hard to top the first Common Denominator product, ?Dwarf Invasion,? this album?s ?Linkin Verbs? draws out just as many laughs from the listener. To top it all off, there is a rather interesting track called ?F.O.O.D. AKA Aren?t you Hungary?? which has to be an outtake accidentally included on the record. Here?s a sample line: ?F, O, O, D, food food. G, O, O, D, good good.?

    Like the previous Reggie release, ?Promotional Copy,? this album experiments a bit with, not just metal, but electronica and hip hop. The product is very interesting and worthy of a listen. The final track, ?Megan 2k2 (Even Though it?s 2k3 now),? uses the same effects as that J. Ralph song ?One Million Miles Away,? with the same results. You know, the song from that Volkswagen commercial with the girl doing that kind of freaky, transy, dance in the car. It creeps me out.rn

  • Exploding Dog

    http://www.explodingdog.com

    ‘This is a hard and cynical bastard of a column. If it does not outright say something insulting, it’s in the subtext. Beneath it all, though, there is a soft spot in this column, as well. It may only be one soft spot, and different objects have to share it, but they all get their turn, rotating one by one. This week, ExplodingDog.com gets to be in that special place. We promise the site will make you say “Awwww…” and if it doesn’t, then tough luck. This isn’t a game show, people. There’s no consolation prize. Oops. There goes that cynicism again. ExplodingDog.com is a great way to brighten your mood. Sam Brown, who is the artist behind the site, has a gift. He is brilliant in all his simplicity. He can elicit strong emotions from basic stick-figure drawings with the assistance of clever titles. As a matter of fact, Brown accepts title suggestions and may actually draw a picture to match it. His policy on such things is listed on his Web site. On the site, there are enough pictures to view for weeks on end. The site is constantly being updated as well. So, you know you can always count on a crop of new Photoshop drawings popping up with a good deal of frequency. It’s cute (Yes, I said cute. Now, move on); it’s interesting; at points, it’s even creepy – but this site will never fail to get your attention. Once you run out of pictures to look at, which probably means you have way too much free time on your hands, you can order one of Brown’s books to browse. Or, buy a T-shirt to wear. Send the link around. Download a picture and make it your desktop. Brown doesn’t mind. His policy on such issues are on line under the “answers to questions” section. Oh, one more thing. If you tell anyone about the soft spot, I’m just going to have to kick your ass. Understood?

  • living science foundation

    last call for nightfall

    ‘Picture Superchunk’s Mac McCaughan growing up as a trustafarian in a rich yuppie neighborhood like… oh, say, Boulder. Now, picture him with easy access to any psychedelic he wanted. Lastly, imagine that he took full advantage of said access.

    The boyish voice, the ability to know a good riff long before any ass-biting was necessary: these are two qualities that make Living Science Foundation and Superchunk comparable. It’s the envelope filter and a suspicious hunch that these guys drop acid that put the two bands worlds apart.

    It’s like the characters from “That 70’s Show” up and started an indie rock band.

    “Last Call for Nightfall,” the band’s freshman effort, is an interesting meld of numerous rock styles that span the course of over three decades. In various cross-sections of LSF’s songs, a good deal of the band member’s influences can be found. In one part, you hear Pink Floyd. In another, you hear the Police. In others still, more recent bands like The Mars Volta.

    If nothing else, anyone can agree that this album is unique. The truth of the matter is it’s a love/hate listening experience, an album whose sound can only be described as a freak accident in which the past few generations of vinyl collections melted together into one audible record.

  • Ouchy the Clown

    http://www.ouchytheclown.com

    ‘The scariest part about including this Web site on the “Worst of 2003” list is that there is probably an S&M disk jockey clown community in Boulder that we will offend. Or maybe there are members of the “Porn Clown Posse” here. That would not be a surprise at all.

    Ouchy, whose motto is “Nice to beat you!”, is into much more than just sadism and masochism. He’s an “experienced and irreverent DJ” who spins scary ambient, illbient, loungescore and more. He’s also a certified meeting facilitator. That’s right, he can help solve problems within the workplace, brainstorm or even mediate a conflict, all while wearing a leather thong and face paint.

    Yes, Ouchy, the multi-faceted clown. In his role as a clown dominator, one of his talents is listed as “making you laugh while I hurt you.” Oh, we’re laughing.

    Need your genitals shaved? He’ll do it for you.

    Maybe you’re familiar with this clown. He once appeared next to porn star Asia Carrera on an episode of Tech TV’s “Unscrewed.”

    Clowns have always been unfairly victimized as being scary. This one not only takes pride in it, but takes that characterization to the next level. On the whole, he’s probably not a bad guy. He’s just the one of the leading West Coast purveyors of really sick shit. At one point, he was the CEO of Evil Klown Industries – until the company collapsed.

    If that’s not enough, this masochistic mummer is a movie critic as well. As one might assume, his forte is pornographic films. His ratings are on a scale of one-to-five honks and all feature a graphic which reads: “Buy it now damnit!”

    Why is it so damned difficult to think of something funny to say about a perverted clown? Oh well.