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summer fling

‘Oh to be a teenager again, when nothing but energy, catch hooks, and the occasional Moog mattered.

If that was the plan, the Red Hot Valentines have got it down pat. This is music to dance to. It’s music to put on a mix tape for the girl you like that isn’t quite into “that scene.” You can win her over and get her to like “that scene” with any of the songs from “Summer Fling.” It’s “4 Minute Mile” for a slightly younger generation.

It may be just the similarity in names, but this band sounds a lot like a dumbed-down version of Charlie Brown Gets a Valentine and a less obvious version of early Anniversary. The songs are not as intricate and the maturity is not there like it is with CBGAV but both bands are equally addictive. Once you hear “Summer Fling” the reference to the Anniversary is obvious. Then again, a lot of bands that use similar keyboard and synthesizer effects can easily be lumped together.

The Red Hot Valentines suffer from a 24-hour catchy writing disease. The songs will get stuck in your head but only temporarily. Unlike many other catchy bands they lack the permanent ability to infect you. It’s a typical sophomore effort. In a few years, these guys will learn how to do what they really want to do.

The only word of warning is to skip “I Want To,” one of the album’s middle tracks. Plain and simple, it’s crap. Slow, acoustic, poorly written, and might as well be the new Staind single.

All standard contradicting terminology applies, depending upon perspective: poppy, punk, catchy, edgy, typical, atypical, rough, smooth, awful, awesome, and so on.

Don’t expect total enlightenment from this record. Just look for a good time and you’ll be satisfied.

http://www.psychoexgirlfriend.com

‘A good majority of relationships come to an end eventually. Even in the worst of relationships, it is still difficult to make a huge change in your life and fill the gap now left by someone who was so close to you.

It’s difficult, but the only rationale option is to just walk away. What else can be done? Save the occasional post-breakup make-out sessions, when a relationship ends, it is really over.

Some people just don’t get that though. Other people have overwhelmingly malicious intents. Those people are the ones that make you wish you never were in a relationship. Scary, very scary.

How do you deal with a person, who just doesn’t go away, even after you’ve long since agreed to part ways? Some pretend not to be home no matter what. Others are forced to call the cops in fear of their own safety. One guy made a website just to show how psycho his ex-girlfriend really was.

His case was strong and convincing. Anyone can learn a lesson from this site: never date this girl — ever.

Psychoexgirlfriend.com is horrifying. Listen to the voicemails. There are over 50 psychotic messages left over the course of three weeks. It’s creepy to the point that it sends shivers down your spine. The voicemails are so scary that it makes you look over your shoulder out of fear that this girl is sneaking up behind you.

“I’m done chasing you… You can only do this so many times and than it becomes fucking old,” she says on her first message. Twenty-two days and fifty-two messages later, though, she is still there. Can anyone psycho? This guy certainly has earned the right to.

This site is truly a testament to how relationships can make people mentally disturbed. It is also the perfect rationalization for spending a few extra bucks a month on caller-ID.

Psychoexgirlfriend.com provides little in the way of content. Most of the site is based around the voicemails this guy received. Outside of that, there are two interesting features to the site. It has a “Reader’s Write” section where visitors to psychoexgirlfriend.com can share their personal tales of being burnt and being stalked. Also, there is a test called “Is your girlfriend psycho?” The test is a bit ridiculous and no matter what answer is chosen, the same response comes up: “Based on your answer, our complex mathematical formula has determined that YES your girlfriend is psycho.”

So, boys and girls, take a lesson from this man’s pain, hardship, and exploitation and be careful of whom you date.

use your voice

‘Bob Dylan, hey, is that you? Or is that Woody Guthrie? It’s so hard to tell.

Don’t sing about moonshine. It’s an incredibly transparent thing of you to do, Mr. Generic Singer/Songwriter. People who drink moonshine don’t have management teams, booking agents and well-designed Web sites. There’s nothing authentic or rustic in your claims of “Keepin’ it Real.” So you like to drink. Hop on the bus.

Sorry to call you out on this. Can we still be friends?

http://www.homestarrunner.com

‘The public has spoken and the resounding and unified voice is loud and clear.

Numerous emails have poured in, co-workers have suggested and even band members have labeled Homestarrunner.com as one of their favorite Web sites.

The people want their Homestar Runner, a fully functional flash site that is difficult to describe as anything but cute. Awwww…. Homestar Runner.

This site is your typical cat and mouse type setup, consisting of the naxefxbfxbdve and overly nice Homestar, who always seems unknowingly pinned up against the cynical time-to-conquer-the-world Strong Bad. It’s the Ren and Stimpy or Pinky and the Brain for a computer age of cartoon watchers and web surfers. All things considered, with the amount of characters with cameo appearances, this site is probably more like Space Ghost without the random celebrity appearances.

While the site does have an abundance of mildly amusing anecdotal range cartoons, this is one of the weaker qualities of this overloaded site. There is a ton of material to keep you busy for weeks of web browsing. The only problem is just distinguishing one thing from another, or finding a link you clicked on just five minutes ago. To the late night post-bar hopping user, this site may be a nightmare to navigate.

Strong Bad, the evil-minded antagonist on the site is the main source of humor. His capers are usually foiled and he is often left flat on his face for all to enjoy. The two best aspects of this site are Strong Bad’s knack, or lack there of, for song and his email section. Although difficult to find, the direct link to the email section is as follows: www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail.html.

On the email section, Strong Bad takes time out of his day to respond to the numerous queries from fans. The funniest emails are when he satirically rips into topics such as Anime, creating a website, and being “web savvy.” There is a large log of e-mails to browse and laughs to be had.

Finally, the third biggest attraction is its games. For the most immature of viewers, such as myself, you will enjoy the Homestar Talker and Strong Libs games. It’s so easy to crack yourself up.

The site is definitely worth checking out and is best described in Homestar’s own words, Homestar Runner “is dot com!”

Truly ‘built to last’

‘Critic Erick Pressman once described the band Sick of It All in an interview by saying, “These guys are like herpes – they never go away.”

It’s a fitting tribute to one of the longest-lasting punk bands in the scene today. They’ve made it through the straight-edge Shelter phase; they’ve survived the H20 GO! popularization of the music; and they will survive the scene’s peak, outlasting the likes of Thursday and Thrice.

Their name is synonymous with old-school New York hardcore, in an inextricably intertwined relationship in which SOIA is a perfect symbol of NY’s true-to-its-roots history. Their motto is perfectly summed up in the Robert De Niro quote from “Deer Hunter” which is used to open up their new album: “This is this. This is nothing else. This is this.”

“We are four guys who have no pretensions,” translated band front man Lou Koller. “This is what we do. This is who we are.”

Statements such as “I grew up on that band” are familiar to this group of musicians whose main claim to having evolved, according to Koller, is that they learned how to play their instruments better.

SOIA has an impressive track record that speaks for itself. At 38, Koller is still screaming his heart out on stage, most recently on the current Vans Off the Wall tour, as well as on record. Their most current release, “Life on the Ropes,” is their fifth release on Fat Wreck Chords and their eighth full-length release over the course of their 17-year history. It’s their self-proclaimed “most straightforward Sick of it All record in years.”

Since 1987, when their first 7-inch disc was put out, the band has watched the evolution, or devolution – depending on perspective – of a scene.

“The only thing that really bothers me now is that the scene is so separated,” said Koller. “Street-punk bands only play with street-punk bands – metal with metal and emo with emo. It was never that way growing up. We always tried to mix it up.”

A lot can change within an independently structured scene over the course of nearly two decades, and the amount of factors at play is conceivably endless. Bands come and go and styles have certainly changed, but what could cause such compartmentalization?

“I think that the look has taken emphasis over the music,” began Koller. “It’s really funny, even on this tour, you see fans of The Unseen disliking a band like Western Waste, who sounds not that different from The Unseen but they don’t get the same crowd response because they don’t have Mohawks.”

They have the music in their hearts and, to them, that is the distinction between a good and bad band. Koller cited bands like Strike Anywhere and Most Precious Blood as being some of the most passionate newer groups. They write songs because they’ve “got them in their hearts.”

For the band, it is more about the state of the world today. There are bigger issues to focus on.

“We grew up on British punk that was politically conscious and I guess that is most obvious on our newest record,” said Koller. “Ever since September 11 the world has been a strange place. It’s funny how, before that, Bush was a huge joke. Now he’s looked at as a hero. It’s sick. Look at the Enron scandals, too. Some of the biggest people to blame walked away unscathed. What does that say about our country?”

The band’s name, itself, refers to a general sense of being fed up with the state of the world. It may make you feel powerless – but the band is stating their case. Before even putting the new record in the player, that case can be seen as being represented through the design of the jacket sleeve. The pages feature photos of money and “corporate thugs” and corrupt politicians who have their strings pulled from above. The images are both powerfully moving and accurate concerning the world’s state of affairs.

SOIA has had issues with being swindled – even in their hometown of Queens. The rap group Mobb Deep (or, Mobb Sleep, according to Tupac) has attempted to steal the alleyway dragon, which serves as SOIA’s band logo. They claim it has been a symbol of the band’s for years.

“That particular problem has been cleared up,” according to Koller. “The only issue that still remains is that, every couple of years, a new Mobb Deep prot/g/ will pop up with the dragon again. So, we have to keep reminding them that it’s ours.”

http://www.area29.com/sfw-porn

‘This is a novel concept that, since we have such short attention spans here, turns to BORING way too quickly. Then again, we shouldn’t make judgment calls. That’s not our place.

Ahem. Yeah.

So this is porn that is safe for work, as the name suggests. We’ll be quick in our description of it because it’ll waste less time and we can all get on (off?) to the real porn.

If you haven’t figured it out already, the SFWP site is packed with photos that emulate the contents of a pornographic web page in a PG-13 fashion.

In other words, it’s a bunch of people pretending to hump with their clothes on. Get it yet?

It’s funny at first; “at first” being the operative words.

Actually, the photos are done in an artful manner, quite unlike real porn pictures… as we are told. It’s difficult to say whether these pictures should be jeered at or framed and hung on a wall. Probably not the latter; that’d be a little odd, unless you are into that sort of thing. In which case, we say go for it.

Oh, one thing that should probably be mentioned is that a few links to real porn sites exist on this site. We’re not condoning them and aren’t saying you should click on them (wink, wink). So, don’t jump down our throats if a big pair of boobies or worse pops up on your screen. If you want to thank us for that though, consider yourself welcome.

In summary, take about 15 seconds out of your day to check out Safe for Work Porn and get a quick chuckle. Spending any more time than that on the site, just like making your way to the end of this article, is laborious and not worth the effort.

A live sonic boom

‘Ester Drang has managed to grow out of the rock music wasteland that is Oklahoma and carve their niche into the national scene.

“It’s the Flaming Lips, Starlight Mints, and the Aquaducts (in Oklahoma),” began the band’s musical guru, James McAllister. “There are other bands here but this is as close as you’ll come to a scene. Outside of that, it’s all churches and Oral Roberts University.”

This drawback aside, Drang continues to strive forward, writing music for musicians. Sonically dense and multileveled, the web of otherwise nebulous parts weave together to create endless facets of sound that could make Pink Floyd blush. On record, namely with the release of their Jade Tree debut, “Infinite Keys,” it hits right on the mark. Live, though, this creates difficulties.

“We use technology to our advantage. Anything we can play live, we play. The rest we throw on a track. People are coming to see us live so we try to do most of it ourselves to make it as interesting as possible.”

transatlanticism

‘2003 has become the year of Death Cab for Cutie. It was virtually impossible to purchase any records this year without hearing the DCfC effect. If they weren’t producing it, or contributing parts, they were writing music for side projects that are bound, in one form or another, to reach the top of many top 10 of 2003 lists by the end of the year.

DCfC members Chris Walla and Ben Gibbard have left their mark as two of the busiest musicians in the industry. Not only has Walla served as the six-string for many bands, but he is also one of indie rock’s most noted producers. Gibbard’s most fruitful effort of the year has been his collaboration with Dntel’s Jimmy Tamborello on The Postal Service. Their 2003 CD “Give Up” is bound to be one of the year’s best releases.

As a result of all of their side work, the members of DCfC have returned to the recording studio to record “Transatlanticism” as a much wiser, more mature and more experienced group of musicians. They are world-wise and it shows. The tempo is turned down a notch, and there is little aggression behind the record. The songs are, for lack of a more descriptive word, cool. They know their place and have nothing to prove that is beyond their reach.

Death Cab for Cutie is a band content with its sound, fully aware that the members have more than enough individual creative outlets. In essence, they have networked the indie rock community in pursuit of their different passions and interests.

A few of the guitar progressions and vocal melodies have been influenced by music they have created outside of DCfC. This, somehow, does not hinder the band. It just shows that they have done it all and can use similar parts in very different-sounding songs.

With “Transatlanticism,” the members of Death Cab know what they want and are capable of doing it all.

in reverie

‘Remember when Weezer released “Pinkerton” and all the indie rock kids ate it up? For that point in time, that was the best damned record ever.

Then they released “The Green Album” and openly admitted to considering “Pinkerton” to be the band’s bastard child, a complete mistake. It felt as though the person you thought you’d spend the rest of your life with just dumped your sorry ass clear out of the blue. To use the words of Ralph Wiggam, it even tasted “like burning.”

Chances are, somewhere in your record collection, you could also find a copy of records like “Can’t Slow Down” or “Through Being Cool.” These were more than respectable indie records that were destined to catch on with someone high up in some lofty major-label office.

Eventually, it did. Well, it did for bands like Saves the Day, anyway. Sound-a-likes Newfound Glory, et al. enjoyed MTV stardom and used their 15 minutes of fame as quickly as possible. Meanwhile, the indie crowd still held respect for Saves the Day as a good band that had a good reputation for putting out above-average records.

Then came “Stay What You Are.” It took the band’s sound and mixed it with big-budget studio production techniques. It made an otherwise punk album sound pretty pop. “At Your Funeral” caught on, and it sort of became a guilty pleasure. You wanted to dislike the band, but the record was still decent enough to let it slide.

Well, Saves the Day finally provides you with a good reason to dislike them. It’s called “In Reverie,” and it hit the shelves last week. This album is like Weezer’s “The Green Album.” It’s created for a new type of fan, the ones who sing along to commercial soundtrack music. Or, if you want to be blunt about it, the ones who like shit.

The only explanation for this type of action has to be that they were trying to distinguish themselves from their former sound, which found itself all over the radios and televisions of teenage schoolgirls everywhere. It would be a shame if they felt forced to change in order to respect themselves. It would be even more of a shame they chose this atrocious ’70s pop sound to give themselves clarity.

My only plea to the band is not to let major labels get the best of you. You did what you did well. Why change that?

The only thing people will be in a reverie about is what you used to sound like. Heed your own advice and stay true to what you really are.

all your summer songs

‘By creating something retro, a piece of art, by definition, cannot be edgy. Therefore, is it immediately doomed to be dull?

This is a question that “Saturday Looks Good to Me” wrestles with throughout the entire play of “All Your Summer Songs.”

Featuring a gross ensemble of players, including the Pharmacists’ better half Ted Leo, among others, Saturday has a deep well of resources from which to draw. They draw a good deal of the well’s content in an attempt to diversify the album’s sound. One of the negative side effects was the creation of disunity in production. The opening and untitled track is instrumentally all over the place and is too loose and ominous for an introductory piece.

Fortunately, Fred Thomas, Saturday’s mastermind, pulls the songs up by the bootstraps for most of the remaining pieces and by the intro to the eighth track, “No Good With Sonnets,” your interest is piqued.

By that point, upon first listen, the realization comes that the formula for all of these songs is lifted directly off oldies stations and AM radio. It’s music for your parents to reminisce to and, in that context, it does a good job. There are no deep meanings or angst-driven melodies. On the contrary, if the album pictures prove to be a good sampling of all musicians involved, this is pretty music by pretty people. From this perspective, the songs are neither edgy nor dull. Bright would be the most accurate adjective. These songs are light in spirit and easy on the ears, a quality selection for summer days and open-windowed long drives.