Five steps to finding a job

1. Search jobs on LinkedIn

Platforms like LinkedIn serve as endless sources of job postings from companies across the globe. You are guaranteed to find at least 50 jobs for which you are qualified or even overqualified.

2. Hire a resume writer

A single resume doesn’t cut it these days. You need to know how to game applicant tracking systems, and there’s no better way to do that than by hiring a resume writer to create versions of your resume that are tailored to a specific job.

3. Get ready to apply

You are staring your dream job in the face. It is what you always wanted, and your skill set is a perfect match. Get that tailored resume in order and prepare to apply for the position. You are a good candidate, and your resume is ready to beat the ATS and get in front of the recruiter’s face.

4. Get knocked down a peg or 20

Suddenly, you notice that over 1,000 people applied to the job today alone, and that 40 percent of those people were CEOs of big corporations and another 20 percent have a PhD. This does not seem as promising as it did just a little while ago. Next thing you know, you’re six months in, had two interviews, and your resume writer is $500 richer.

5. Give up, apply to McDonald’s

You found a job. Great work! Sure, you may be dejected, demoralized, and depressed. Some day, though, you’ll probably come to realize working the McDonald’s register is actually not as soul crushing as your professional career to this point.