The Common Denominators

Straight outta Finland

‘Klaus is a man so wildly popular he needs no last name. All you need to know is that he’s from the Common Denominators, the band you may be listening to right now.

The band he fronts began as all good bands do. They went to school together and hung out. Then, eleven years ago, the musical anomalies known as the Common Denominators formed. Hailing from Lower Finland, in a small and unmapped town called Same-cke-, it all changed the night Klaus went to go see the infamous band Sword Master. He knew then that his destiny was to front a Finnish death metal band.rn”I

Finland, death metal is bigger than bubble-gum pop,” said Klaus. “When there’s no sun, there’s no time for Britney.”

Needless to say, they are big hits in their homeland. In a town where it is impossible to get a pizza delivered or to find a good taco, everyone came out to see the Common Denominators. Similarly, the band is taking the States by storm – with only four songs. The problem is, Scandinavia Vagrant doesn’t have much of an office. Their business is still in the formation stages.

The only voice the Denominators have been given for their music is the occasional appearance on a Reggie and the Full Effect album. Only half of their catalogue has been put out on these records, but those two songs are so good they should count as ten.

“Dwarf Invasion”? “Linkin Verbz”? It may never get any better than that, although, their new, unreleased songs do sound promising. One of the new tunes is about goats taking over the world. Or, that’s what it seemed to be about from the description Klaus gave.

When the band builds up enough of a repertoire, they may release their own album, but there are currently no plans in the works. For now, they will continue to pop up on various Reggie records.

“Since we’re releasing stuff on Vagrant, we are the pussies of the death metal scene,” he said. “We’re putting out stuff on the same label as Dashboard Confessional. We’re like, yeah, and they’re like, no.”

He does love the Full Effect and enjoys touring with them. He also admits being a Getup Kids fan but only because he has to be.

“Originally, we were going to call the band Prime Number, but that’s not very metal, is it?” questioned Klaus. “A common denominator is the root of every problem in mathematics. If you were into science fiction like all of us here in Same-cke-, you’d know that mathematics is the only universal language. So, to get down to the most simple, basic thing everyone can understand you need to get down to the common denominator.”

Although often mythical, Klaus’ history is run-of-the-mill. He grew up just like everyone else. In his teen years, he was forced with the choice of university or trade school. Claiming that universities are for shitheads, he chose trade school. He wanted to work with his hands and drill things.

“The pen is mightier than the sword? That’s bullshit,” he said. “People have been fighting with swords for centuries. I’ve never seen anyone fight with a pen.”

Naturally, he ventured on to trade school, where he made swords and “stuff from skulls.” Where he got the skulls and what he made from them, I dared not ask.

That school is where the band members met and went on to write their four epic songs, which were destined to permanently change the course of music.

So, after becoming friends with Reggie, the Denominators latched on to him and they appear, in part, as a supporting act to Full Effect concerts. They are known to be elusive. With any luck, they will appear on the Vagrant America tour. Just in case, Klaus left this advice to the kids as parting words:

“Somebody find Chef Boyardee and fire him. That’s not pasta. Even in Finland, we can make better Italian food. My ass can make better pasta than that.”